The Los Angeles Lakers are far from Black Mamba prowess as the current 11th seed among the Western Conference. However, their poor record hasn’t stopped the historically prominent Lakers from excessively celebrating and ending marriages along the way to a 12-22 record. The Lakers, led by 20-year-old D’Angelo Russell and 36-year-old coach Luke Walton, have…
Dikembe Mutombo: This Holiday season, the best way to woman’s heart is by excavating the chest and performing an Indiana Jones 2 heart removal operation on it.
With the Winter Holidays now in full swing, many find themselves looking to stay in, bundle up, and take it easy with their loved ones. That is, those with loved ones at least. Less fortunate, un-loved human beings find themselves lost among the snow and looking for something warm to hold onto. Well- depressed frostbitten…
Down 20, Browns bring out field goal unit on 3rd and 10 to boost Hue Jackson fantasy points.
It’s grind time for all you fantasy football players out there: the fantasy playoffs are here, and now’s the time to show that schmuck Brad down the hall from you that you really knew what you were doing when you drafted Demarco Murray in the first round—I mean come on, three teams in three seasons…
Jets Quarterback Bryce Petty runs into wall, breaks face, to avoid starting this week
It’s been a long time since the Broadway Joe, overcoming-the-odds New York Jets have won their last Super Bowl back in 1968. Where spurts of promise have shown themselves here and there for the lagging Jets- with back-to-back runs to the AFC Championship, a foot fetish loving head coach, and multiple runs with hall-of-fame and…
Marshawn Lynch comes out of retirement after his character dies in Sims 3
The National Football League’s 2016 season has been filled with wild moments— Giant’s Wide Receiver Odell Beckham Jr. getting attacked by his kicking net, numerous Antonio Brown twerk-offs, and of course kicker Josh Brown denouncing his wife as a slave. It’s hard to imagine feeling like something is still missing with so much excitement going…
Tony Romo buys new Spine while Black Friday shopping
For countless years, the Friday after Thanksgiving has prided itself as a day to sit back, digest your stuffing-filled, artery clogging meal from yesterday, and of course- go Black Friday shopping. That’s right, nothing says, “I can deal with Uncle Ken for another four hours so long as I can buy everything for 20 percent…
Players Refuse to Stand for National Anthem, Claim Too Stuffed from Thanksgiving Meal
Earlier in the NFL season, San Francisco 49ers Quarterback Colin Kaepernick went to extreme measures to raise awareness for his girl scout troop’s blood drive by sitting during the National Anthem. The cause has brought a lot of attention to Kaep, and motivated other league players to sit during our Nations Anthem. But now, players…
Stoned-Out Rolando McClain Celebrates First Week of Suspension. Buys Entire Night Club Hot Pockets
Dallas Cowboys Linebacker and former first-round draft pick Rolando McClain can’t seem to get out of the spotlight, and for all the wrong reasons. The NFL suspended the 27-year-old former All-SEC defensive star McClain for an entire year for missing a drug test this past week. This is coming off a previous 10-game suspension for…
Orlando Magic Mascot gives Ailing Child Tickets to Hamilton after Team’s Horrific Loss
If there is one thing that fans of the Orlando Magic haven’t seen for a while, it’s a good show. That is- everyone except nine-year-old Magic fan Todd Simpson. The Orlando native Simpson claims he has been a Magic fan for as long as he can remember, stating, “One time for my birthday my mom…
Dennis Rodman Demands Credit for Role as Bang in Space Jam
Now more than two decades since the release of Space Jam, Hollywood’s highest grossing basketball movie of all time, (sorry Lil’ Bow Wow) and the big screen debut of Michael Jordan as “Michael Jordan: the greatest basketball player turned mediocre baseball player alive”, you probably thought that there couldn’t be any more secrets to the…
Mark Sanchez, Tim Tebow Lead Charts for Most Popular Jerseys to Wear to the Gym
Remember the good old days? It’s mid-September, 2009- The Jets are 3-0 with new rookie quarterback Marc Sanchez, and you are just about to head over to the Niketown on 57th street to trade away your navy blue “Shockey Knows Best” bumper sticker and join the old J-E-T-S bandwagon, buying yourself a mustard green vintage…
Ronda Rouseys Cheat Day 