Colin Kaepernick’s Afro Gets Loose, Makes Sack in 49er Loss


Saying that the San Fransisco 49ers have been having a tough 2016 season is more than gracious considering the team’s 1-11 record, refusal to stand during the national anthem, and pathetic weekly performance for the controversial quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, who seems to work so hard to bring attention to himself in order to encourage others to vote and make a difference, yet publically admits to not voting himself. After this season, it will be hard to find a drop of sympathy for Kaepernick’s whines and pleas for attention— even his own polished, cult classic Afro is starting to agree.

In the 49ers poor performance against the Chicago Bears on Sunday, fans were stunned on a cold, windy day in Soldier Field to witness Kaepernick’s afro come off his head mid-play, and proceed to sack the less than talented quarterback for a five-yard loss. While the Bears defense probably didn’t need the help, recording six sacks alone on Kaepernick in their 26-6 victory on Sunday afternoon, Kaep’s Afro came out claiming he had enough. “It was time someone took a stand and showed Colin what he’s good for—being on the ground and wimping like the little child he is,” said the angry Afro– who asked to be called Stephen. Stephen the Afro went on to exclaim, “It’s about time we take a stand against those who pretend to be taking a stand.”


Kaepernick and his Afro, spotted here before robbing a child of her lunch money

Stephen the Afro hopes that his movement will encourage others to speak up, and silence attention-grabbers near and far in order to make “America Poofy Again”. Said Bear’s defensive end Akiem Hicks on the sackage, “You know I didn’t really ever see it coming, but I commend the Afro for his work. Making statements AND actually doing something on the field at the same time.”


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